Hello people!

 It have been pretty calm weekend for me, but on friday I happened to go out of a control and suffered in my bad habits and thoughts, but then I took up my notebook and wrote for million billion times: "It's okay, I'm happy" - and it helped me to get better, all the bad thoughts were gone immediately. But I also can find a reason to it cause I quited my week for my guitarlessons cause UGHH I felt so anxious when I was near to go to the lesson, I just couldn't go, WHY THE FUCK AM I AFRAID OF MY GUITARTEACHER JUST STAPH KACHEE!!! Ugh it makes me so mad and I haven't practised the guitar for I don't know how long, I need to take it up again and seriously!

 On Saturday I was forced to get up and we were on our way to the fair, we looked around in there and I found lots of inspiration for my jewelry business, there were a lots of jewelries I'd like to create too, my eyes rested the whole time and got some new ideas~ I walked the long way that my legs are so weak and hurt, my grandma was afraid that I wont walk til' today, cause I walked the whole time and I didnt want to rest when my grandma really was worried that I need to rest and I breath fast, but no I pushed it away actually.

 Then in the afternoon my dad took me to the beach to have a photoshoot, it was really pretty then outside. I went there with my sister and my dad and we had so much fun while walking there, ate some gummycandies and I enjoyed the walk. I also met an old Japanese man who smiled at me widely and nodded to me which I answered the same to him, I was so happy then! I told it to my mom and my grandma they told me that why didnt I take a picture with him, I then was like fuck ofc we could make a picture but I also thought to greet him in Japanese but I was too late haha, my reaction is too slow *sighs* cause of my disease too.

 Well I have to work hard now, I'm having a last week at school and then the exams are running inside from the door, I'M NOT READY FOR THIS SATAN! I also have some kind of a party on Friday which every 9th graders have in each year in Estonian basic schools that pupils dress themselves into the outfit like they are going to first grade and also waterballoons and waterguns are the most importnant in this event that's the part of this party, girls puts their hair into two ponytails with a bow and wears kneesocks, skirts or dresses depends on their closets xD I just mention that everyone needs to dress like 4-9 years old. Well I happened to listen to Kent's new album and trying to study for my chemistry test and then force myself to practise the guitar.

Thank you, come again!

Kachee Cha

Hello!

These few days have been the worst so far, my grades are not the best and i have been away from school to much. So this wednesday did i have a meeting with my teacher and dad and two others. They asked why i was not at school and i started to cry telling im not doing well. So they told my dad to take me to the hospital, we got there and they told us im to young and that we should go to BUP instead. So we did and i got help after 5 min and got to talk to someone, im going back there 30/5. But i got to go to the health care center yesterday, and the doctor was really nice and kind. He did some test and told me that i need help and that this is not good, he said that he can only help me with medecine and that they cant give a psycologist that easily that they wish they can. i have trouble with sleeping so he gave me sleeping pills, he said he will tell BUP the results and that he will meet me again doing more tests. He did not want to start a treatment and give me medicine yet until he knows what the other thinks. So i dont know what to think about all this :p But im going back there again on monday, but to take other tests. Like blood test etc ;-; I hate needles but yeah, i hope and think it will be fine. And if you guys wonder why i was there is it beacuse i have been to strong, since 7th grade and now im 17 and are in the 2nd grade of high school. The doctor said i have anxiety and that i might have depression. So im not doing good ;-; But i will get better soon i hope <3 I have my amazing girlfriend who are there for me :) 

But now i will sleep so see ya in the next post, bye <3 

//Jon-chan